Holy Moses.

My boyfriend was nice enough to download Mozilla for me today (I'm really too retarded to do any of these computer things myself), so that is what I am using for a browser right now. And shit! My blog looks bloody awful! In Internet Explorer, it looks all nice and neat, but on Mozilla, it looks like TEH SUXORZ. So if any of my readers use Mozilla, let me just inform you that if you switch over to IE, my blog looks a lot better. I swear! What is up with that, anyway? Why does Mozilla have to suck like that?

So...yay. Monday is my doctor's appointment. I am hella excited. Hey! Maybe I'll find out I only have 6 more months left to live! I have already told my boyfriend that if I find out I'm dying, I will go on a plane trip with him. You see [for anyone who does not know me] I have a terrible fear of flying. I hyperventilate just thinking about it. I swore that I would never allow myself to set foot on an airplane ever again. But...if it turns out I am going to be dying soon anyway, I'm making my boyfriend go with me to Ireland. Ah...Ireland. Ireland is pretty. Here is a picture. Marvel at its beauty.

Life is just full of fun surprises.

For instance, like that huge lump I have discovered in the back of my throat. The one that is making swallowing diffucult. The one that could continue to grow until I suddenly can't breathe anymore. Yeah. "SURPRISE SURPRISE, AMANDA," says Life. It hands me a greeting card that says simply, "This is most likely something serious. Good luck with that!"

I suppose I shouldn't complain. I've been fairly lucky up until now. I had a bunch of operations when I was a baby. I was born with a blockage in one of my kidneys, so I had to have most of one removed. Then after that, the only operation I had to have was back in April, when I had  my wisdom teeth taken out. But something tells me that this could actually be more serious than the other two. What is a lump? A lump can be many things: a tumor, a cyst, a nodule...blah blah blah. Take your pick! Personally, I don't want any of them, because no matter what, it means one thing: operation. And who wants an operation done on their throat? Well, not me! In fact, the mere thought of it makes me hella nervous. Actually, the whole situation makes me nervous. I made a doctor's appointment yesterday, to have it checked out. They couldn't fit me in until next Monday. A lot can happen in a week. This lump could continue to grow until I'm gasping for breath. And then what? Go to the emergency room? What would they do for me? They could remove it, but would that be such a good idea? Nobody even knows what it is right now. Perhaps it is something that shouldn't be removed. Ugh. Who knows.

I shouldn't even be talking about this, but I'm having a hard time swallowing this morning, and I can feel the lump in my throat...and it's making me  nervous. I tend to reveal too much when I'm nervous.

Pamela Anderson has written a novel.

It's called Star!

We just got it in today at the bookstore where I work. When you take off the book's jacket, on the other side of it there is a centerfold poster of Ms. Anderson herself, completely naked (with the exception of a few strategically placed star stickers).

Of course, when reading the About the Author note on the back of the jacket, it is pointed out to us that she had a ghostwriter. Big surprise.

But tell me something...does the fact that Pamela Anderson wrote a novel make you think that you could write one too? Cuz that's exactly what it made me think. In case anyone cares, I've always wanted to be a writer. I've been fooling around with it ever since I was a wee little girl. I used to write novels. Well...but I never finished any of them. I wrote them all in high school, when I was going through my embarassing teeny-bopper phase. So now when I take them out and read them, I cringe. I usually would stop writing around page 150, when it would occur to me that my dialogue sucked, my characters were annoying, and the plot was non-existent. Now, I can't even write a whole page. It's so sad, considering that becoming a published author is really my only goal in life.

But back to Pam. People...this is even worse than that time Britney Spears wrote a novel. At least  she had the decency to admit that it belonged in the Young Readers' section. I'm sure the only thing keeping Star from being in the children's section is the sex and implants. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure it's easy enough for my friend's 3-week-old son to read. Not that he'd want to, mind you.

Dear Blog,

I've been ignoring you lately. I'm so sorry. It's not you - it's me. Yeah...uh, that's it. No, really - it's true. I mean, look at you. What's not to love? You look great! Your format is very nice. And your colors - don't even get me started on your colors! They are magnificent! It's just...I don't know. I think our relationship has gone stale. I remember when I first made you. I wanted to post on you up to 3 times a day. I wanted everyone to read you. I wanted you to be the best blog ever.

But you're not. I'm sorry if it hurts you to hear that, but honey...sometimes the truth hurts a little. Don't get me wrong - I like you. You are, after all, my baby. I created you. I took what you were (just a boring old template) and made you into the blog you are now. So what is wrong with me? Why have I been neglecting you? Is it because I think you're boring? I suppose that's probably it. Aw...come on now, don't cry. This has nothing to do with you. Like I said before, it's not you - it's me. I just have nothing to say...and you haven't really inspired me at all.

I'm sorry to have to bring this up for everyone to read. I hope you're not embarassed. I love you, blog, I do. But seriously...I'm worried about our relationship. And if things don't change pretty soon, I might just have to dump you.

Love,

Amanda

I just found a way to make my blog cooler:

Pictures.

I registered over with Image Shack and am in the process of uploading pics. So right now, I'm just testing it out. I don't really want to post pics of me just yet (I don't know why I would anyway...), so instead, here is a picture I took of the sky when I was on a cruise a couple of years ago. Eh...enjoy?

I had a dream last night.

Actually, to be more accurate, it was a bad dream.

In it, I was at work with my boyfriend. The two of us were working the night shift, but for some reason, my shift ended at 7:30. So another one of my co-workers came in to relieve me. As I was leaving, I was complaining to her that, "Wah wah, I have to work so late, and be in so early tomorrow, wah wah." She was totally feeling my pain. So anyway, I leave the building, and it is dark outside (uncommon for this time of the year; it usually does not get dark until well after 8 o'clock). As I start heading for the parking lot, I see a middle aged man in a parked car, with his window rolled down. As I started approaching him, I notice that he is watching me. I begin to feel a little uncomfortable. I make the mistake of glancing at him as I walk by, and he starts talking to me from inside the car. I don't remember what he was saying - probably something that a stranger might say to another stranger (like, "Nice weather we're having, huh?"). I just sort of smiled at him and continued on my way. As I walked by and got pretty far away, I noticed that he had gotten out of his car. At first, I thought he was going to go into the mall. But then I hear his voice behind me say, "Hey." I didn't even look back. I knew he was following me, so I wanted to get into my car as fast as I could. I quickly opened my car door, but unfortunately, there was a car parked very close to mine, so my door wouldn't open very far. Luckily, I'm skinny, so I was able to squeeze in, but of course, that slowed me down some. I went to reach for the door, to close it, and I saw the man approaching the side of my car. My plan was to close the door and hit the lock - which would lock all of the doors simultaneously. I just had this terrible feeling that this man was going to do something bad. But before I could even close the door, I woke up from the dream. And I not only woke up, but I woke up shivering. Not because I was cold (it was quite warm here last night), but because I was scared. Don't you just love waking up from a dream, feeling the same emotion you were feeling right before you woke up? So I looked at the clock, and it was about 2:30 a.m. Part of me wanted to return to the dream, to see if I managed to escape, but then I wouldn't want to return if I didn't escape, because I'm guessing the rest of the dream wouldn't have been very fun.

So what does this dream mean? Is it predicting something that is going to happen in the future? Or, is my subconscious trying to tell me that I have a fear of getting kidnapped in a parking lot? If it's the latter, then I say...Well, duh.

Nothing to say.

I have nothing to say.

Oh, come on - don't act so surprised. You should know by now that I never have anything to say. I mean...I never died from tetanus. Ever since my jaw got feeling better (although, it hurt a lot today), I can't really complain about my health. And ever since I got the whole template thing worked out, I can't complain about how my blog looks. And since my birthday got over yesterday, I can no longer complain about how my birthday is slowly approaching. Hm. I notice that when I have nothing to complain about, I have nothing to say.

Maybe I'll have something to say tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Birthdays come but once a year. THANK GOD!

So today is my birthday. I am now officially 24. So now when I tell someone I'm 24, I can actually mean it. Good-bye 23! I didn't like you anyway!

YAY!

I love my boyfriend! He just called me up and told me how to fix my Comments section! And it worked! Can I get a w00t, w00t?!?!

I LOVE YOU BABE! I'm so glad at least one of us is smart!

I am so obsessed with this blog. Not posting on it....just flubbing with the template, mainly. Ooooh, and adding useless features such as a Site Meter and a Guestbook! Oh, and please sign the guestbook if you have time!

ARGH!

I am only one step away from having my blog look exactly the way I want it to. The only problem? Well, I changed the font color to white, so that it could be read against this dark background. But somehow, changing it to white, also changed the text in the Comments section to white as well. And the background to Comments is still light blue. Light blue and white don't mix, people. So I cannot read the comments you post, unless I highlight them with the mouse. Argh. I just need to either change the background of the comments page, or the font color. AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO EITHER ONE!

Well anyway, enough of my complaining. So today is my very last day as a 23-year-old. Starting tomorrow, I will be the big 2-4. SCARY. I will miss being 23. It was a good combination of an even number and an odd number - not to mention it was in direct numerical order. Now I won't encounter that again until I'm 34. OMG. 34. That is practically right around the corner.

So how am I spending my last day as a 23-year-old? Why - I AM WORKING! YAY! 12:30 to 9:00. But hey, at least I get tomorrow off. As does my boyfriend. I'm sure he's planning some big surprise party for me. LOL.

I'm celebrating my birthday today.

And it's not even my birthday!
 
My birthday is actually Tuesday, but I am celebrating it today with my grandmother, uncle and aunt. I feel terrible - my grandmother has been back from Florida since May, and I haven't been to see her yet. I am a terrible grandchild. It's just hard to find time to go out and visit, you know? I'm a working gal. And she lives a ways away. And usually I have things to do on my days off, so it's hard to find the time. I'm sure she understands, but I am also sure that she is probably hurt. So you can imagine how guilty I feel about celebrating my birthday with her today. She'll most likely be giving me a gift of money, but I don't feel as if I deserve it, as I am the worstest granddaughter, like, ever.
 
Okay, well enough about my fake birthday. As you can see, I am working on making my blog look better. Eh....I'm not sure if what I've done so far is an improvement, but it's different, anyway. Of course, I will be changing things around for a while, until I get it the way I like it. It could take a while, folks.  Anyway, I've been so busy flubbing with the template here, I haven't had the chance to keep up with reading my usual list of blogs. However, I did  add a link to a new blog, over on the sidebar. Her name is Caroline, and she is way K00l, with a capital K. So be sure and check out her blog, please!
 

I'm getting up there in years, yo.

So I turn 24 next week. Eek. One year away from a quarter of a century. Eek. Let me ask you...where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was playing with my Barbie dolls, and running around in pigtails like I didn't have a care in the world. And now...now my Barbies have all been sold in a yard sale, and I never wear pigtails. Nor do I run anymore, for fear I will drop dead of a heart attack (not really...I'm just out of shape and lazy).
 
So anyway...I can feel my biological clock ticking. Ticking away. Practically everyone I went to high school with is now married or has children, or both. But they're all just kids! No, wait...they're not  kids anymore. It's so hard to think of myself (and them) as adults. It's just not possible. I mean, one of my friends from high school is 25, and she just had a baby a couple of weeks ago. But she does not seem like she is 25. I keep thinking of her as that teeny bopper girl in high school, who loved New Kids on the Block. She had a baby?! What the...?! It's so hard to believe, really. It all seems surreal. Everyone is growing up. Including me. Yet...I feel like I'm standing still. I have hardly evolved since high school. I'm not married. I haven't had a baby. I don't have a career. It's like I am frozen in time. All around me, time is ticking away. I can hear it, see it, and feel it tick on by, but I'm not doing anything. Oh look at me....I'm rambling.
 
Tetanus Update #...3? 4? Eh...anyway...my jaw still hurts a bit. And it's still a little stiff. But maybe it's gotten better. I'm not sure. I should knock on wood when I say that. I've never understood how knocking on wood has any significance whatsoever, but I say it all the time nonetheless. Look! I'm rambling again! I think I need to go find something to do.

WTF?

This place is all changed around. I guess it's supposed to make things easier, but...I don't like change. Change is bad. But oh, look - I can write in green text. Sweet. 
 
I am talking with Keitha on AIM right now, and she's all, "I don't have a preview button! I don't have the list of fonts and sizes!" and I'm all, "Sux 2 b u!" and she's all, "Grrrrr." Why did Blogger have to go and change everything around like this? It's been changed for the better for me, but not for her. I feel bad, because I just know she must be hella jealous of me. Keitha, if you're reading this, don't be hatin'.

My boyfriend just informed me...

...that I had not produced a blog post yesterday. He was concerned that maybe my devoted readers (all 4 of you) would think I was dead...you know, that I had finally succumbed to the tetanus. But nope - I'm still alive and well. Well, alive anyway. Yes...my jaw still hurts. It must be the TMJ I have, since I have the neck/back pain and headaches to go along with it. I really hate my jaw. If I could change one thing about my body, it would be my jaw. Wait, no. Scratch that. I am way more vain than that. I would change a physical feature first.

So it's Thursday, and it's my day off. So far, my day has been boring. I brought my car in this morning to have the CD player checked out. It took the d00ds about an hour and 20 minutes to "diagnose" the problem. I have no idea what the problem was (they don't tell you these things), but they said they are ordering me a new radio. w00t. And it's all free, since it's still under warranty. Life is good.

Other than that, eh...just the same old same old. I added a new person to my favorite people list over on the sidebar. Bada Bing was nice enough to take the time to read my blog and comment, and this is his reward! So whoever reads this, go check out his blog please. And also, if you could maybe check out my boyfriend's blog and my pal Keitha's blog, I am sure they would greatly appreciate it.

Early in the morning.

5:52 a.m. Do you know where your children are? Oh, they are asleep. So why am I awake? Oh yeah. Work.

Just a quick recap. My jaw: still in pain. I'm beginning to think it might not be tetanus. Rather, it must be...I dunno...some other life-threatening jaw disease. It was nice knowing you all. Wait...who exactly are you all? I mean...who besides Nathaniel, Keitha and anonymous actually read this blog?

I wrote a romance story today.

It goes a little something like this:



Fiona and Roberto met each other at a coffee shop. Fiona was very beautiful, and Roberto was very muscular.

"Hi, I'm Fiona," said Fiona.

"Hi, I'm Roberto," said Roberto.

They were very attracted to each other, so that night they went out on a date. Later that evening, they had sex with each other.

"That was fun," said Fiona.

"It sure was," said Roberto.

A few weeks later, Fiona realized that she was "late". Oh dear, she thought to herself, I must be pregnant with Roberto's child.

She was.

One day, Fiona told Roberto. "Roberto, I'm pregnant with your child."

"Neat," said Robert.

Nine months later, Fiona went into labor and had the baby. She named him Roberto Jr.

"Our baby is cute," said Roberto. "Would you like to get married, Fiona?"

"Sure," said Fiona.

But before they could get married, Roberto went off to war.

"Oh no," said Fiona to Roberto Jr. "What if Roberto gets killed?"

But he didn't. He came home a year later and they got married.

"I love you," said Roberto to Fiona.

"I love you too," said Fiona to Roberto.


The end.

Ow.

Have I mentioned how much my jaw hurts? Oh, I have? Well, I haven't mentioned it today, anyway. So here we go, Tetanus Crisis Update #2: It's still there.

So my boyfriend started his own blog last night. I wish I could figure out how to link to it. Hm. I will have to have him show me how to do it. Again. I am so st00pid when it comes to computers. Also, one of the coolest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting on the Internet started her own blog last night too. Maybe I will link to hers as well, once I figure the whole thing out. I should really consider taking an Internet course through Adult Ed. or something. My skills are severely lacking.

I learned something today.

And that is that people who talk a lot are annoying.

Oh, first, let me just give a little background here, for anyone who does not know me: I work in retail. A book store to be exact. We get all sorts of different people who come in the store from day to day. About 95% of them are annoying. And out of that 95%, about maybe 35% are the people who are annoying because they talk too much. Like the old man who came in today. He comes in every once in a while and buys porn magazines. Usually, he will talk to anyone and everyone about nothing...probably to direct our attention away from the fact he's buying Big Black Butt or something. Anyway, so he came in to the store twice today and talked our ears off. He was all, "Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah, blah blah blah!" That was the first time he came in. The second time he came in, he said, "You know what you need to watch out for? The HIV. That is not a good thing. Liberace had a lover. He got HIV from him, and died. But before he died, he sued the guy who gave him HIV...even though he was a homo too." And then he told me how John F. Kennedy Jr. died because his wife decided to call someone on her cell phone while they were flying in the plane. Eventually, he shut the hell up and bought porn.

Okay, so here is an update on the tetanus crisis: My jaw still hurts. And my neck hurts too. And occasionally my back. How long does it take for tetanus to kill you? And can I get tetanus, even though I don't recall having ever cut myself recently? And is there a way to cure my hypochondriac-ism? Anyone?

It's Sunday morning...

...and I think I'm suffering from some sort of tetanus infection. My. Jaw. Hurts. It has hurt ever since yesterday afternoon. For no reason. Sure, I have TMJ in the right side of my jaw, and arthiritis in my left side. But no, the pain can not be from that. No, it must be something really life-threatening. Like tetanus.

Damn, I finally got around to starting a blog, and now I am going to die. All of my fans and stalkers are going to be crushed when they find out I'm gone. They'll be all, "OMG! But I was so totally hoping to keep reading her blog, but now that she's dead, there will be no blog. OMG! WTF? LOL! STFU."

Crap...I have to go to work.

Blog, blog, blog.

I have no idea of what I should be writing here. I started this blog today because I was bored and I thought..."Hey! I shall start a blog!!!!" Thanks to my boyfriend, I managed to get one started. Only now, I am blogging stuff, and nobody will be reading it. So this is all pretty much a waste of my time. Oh well.

Yay my first post!

Welcome to my awesome blog. Read it please.



Or else.