You've all been so patient!
I have finally written the third installment of my immensley popular "Scary Shit" series. I hope it was worth the wait!
Scary Shit 3: Twist Ending
by Amanda
One week ago today, the beautiful, fairly large-breasted woman of Dirk Kirkland's life (Britney Smith) was brutally murdered - stabbed visciously by an unkown Man With The Knife, soon after Britney and Dirk had passionate mind-blowing sex.
Dirk was now dating Samantha Banger - the most popular girl in school. Well...the most popular now that the other two most popular girls in school had been hacked to death.
"I feel so sad for Britney and Candie," said Samantha. Candie was Man With The Knife's first victim, and also Samantha's half cousin twice-removed. "I truly believe they are in Heaven now, looking down upon us."
Uh oh, thought Dirk. If Britney was looking down upon them, then she probably saw him and Samantha in the shower together last night. "Yeah," Dirk said, clearing his throat, "Heaven."
"Want to go out on a date tonight?" asked Samantha. "We could head up to Lover's Lane and make out. You can touch my boobs. Again."
"Uh..." said Dirk nervously. "That sounds great. But is it such a good idea for us to be roaming around after dark, with a serial killer on the loose?"
Samantha shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
"Okay then," Dirk said.
LATER THAT EVENING...
Dirk drove up to Lover's Lane, where he would eventually make out with Samantha and touch her boobs. He parked the car. They were the only ones up there that evening.
"I'll be right back," said Samantha flirtaciously.
"Okay!" said Dirk excitedly. He couldn't wait to touch her boobs.
Samantha got out of the car. Dirk realized afterwards that it was very stupid to let her go out into the dark, menacing, isolated world without him, but he had complete faith that nothing bad would happen to h-
"AGHHHHH!" somebody screamed.
Dirk recognized the scream as Samantha. "Oh noes!" he cried. Quickly, he exited the car and followed the screams. As he ran, terrible thoughts ran through his head - what if something bad happened to Samantha? He wouldn't get to make out with her. He wouldn't get to touch her boobs. Well actually, he could still touch her boobs, even if she were murdered, which was cool.
"I'm coming sweetie!!!" he yelled bravely.
Finally, he found her...on the ground...completely still. "Oh no," he muttered. "You've been murdered!" He frowned. He paused for a moment of silence, in memory of Samantha, and then reached out to touch her boob.
But before his hand could reach her bosom, a hand shot out and grabbed his arm. Her hand. Samantha's hand.
"WTF?!" said Dirk in a very confused voice.
Samantha smiled up at him, and then her other arm shot out. Her hand was holding a knife.
Dirk gasped frightenedly and jumped up and backed away from her. "OMG! Samantha! What are you doing with that knife?"
"I'm the killer," said Samantha.
"Oh," said Dirk. "But why? Why did you do it?"
"Because," said Samantha. "I wanted to be the most popular girl in school. Candie was the most popular girl, so I killed her. However, I had no idea that her death would mean that Britney would then be considered the most popular girl. So...I killed her too. Now I'm the most popular girl in school! Yay!"
This all made sense to Dirk. "Okay. So then why are you going to kill me?"
Samantha laughed. "Oh, I'm not going to kill you, silly. Look! This knife isn't even real! It's one of those retractable rubber knives! LOL!" She stuck the retractable rubber knife into her abdomen and laughed.
"OH! Hahahahaha!" Dirk said in relieved voice. He and Samantha started walking back towards his fancy, really expensive car. "So...wait a second. There is still something about this whole thing that is bothering me."
"Yes, snookums?" Samantha said, giving Dirk a peck on the cheek.
"Well...the killer was always described as a male...you know...The Man With The Knife. Why is that, I wonder?" Dirk looked confused.
Samantha smiled. "Oh. That. Right. Well...you see...I used to be Samuel Banger. I got a sex change two years ago. So technically...I am a man."
"Ohhhh," Dirk said, starting to understand it all. Suddenly, he felt very sick to his stomach.
The End.
Scary Shit 3: Twist Ending
by Amanda
One week ago today, the beautiful, fairly large-breasted woman of Dirk Kirkland's life (Britney Smith) was brutally murdered - stabbed visciously by an unkown Man With The Knife, soon after Britney and Dirk had passionate mind-blowing sex.
Dirk was now dating Samantha Banger - the most popular girl in school. Well...the most popular now that the other two most popular girls in school had been hacked to death.
"I feel so sad for Britney and Candie," said Samantha. Candie was Man With The Knife's first victim, and also Samantha's half cousin twice-removed. "I truly believe they are in Heaven now, looking down upon us."
Uh oh, thought Dirk. If Britney was looking down upon them, then she probably saw him and Samantha in the shower together last night. "Yeah," Dirk said, clearing his throat, "Heaven."
"Want to go out on a date tonight?" asked Samantha. "We could head up to Lover's Lane and make out. You can touch my boobs. Again."
"Uh..." said Dirk nervously. "That sounds great. But is it such a good idea for us to be roaming around after dark, with a serial killer on the loose?"
Samantha shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
"Okay then," Dirk said.
LATER THAT EVENING...
Dirk drove up to Lover's Lane, where he would eventually make out with Samantha and touch her boobs. He parked the car. They were the only ones up there that evening.
"I'll be right back," said Samantha flirtaciously.
"Okay!" said Dirk excitedly. He couldn't wait to touch her boobs.
Samantha got out of the car. Dirk realized afterwards that it was very stupid to let her go out into the dark, menacing, isolated world without him, but he had complete faith that nothing bad would happen to h-
"AGHHHHH!" somebody screamed.
Dirk recognized the scream as Samantha. "Oh noes!" he cried. Quickly, he exited the car and followed the screams. As he ran, terrible thoughts ran through his head - what if something bad happened to Samantha? He wouldn't get to make out with her. He wouldn't get to touch her boobs. Well actually, he could still touch her boobs, even if she were murdered, which was cool.
"I'm coming sweetie!!!" he yelled bravely.
Finally, he found her...on the ground...completely still. "Oh no," he muttered. "You've been murdered!" He frowned. He paused for a moment of silence, in memory of Samantha, and then reached out to touch her boob.
But before his hand could reach her bosom, a hand shot out and grabbed his arm. Her hand. Samantha's hand.
"WTF?!" said Dirk in a very confused voice.
Samantha smiled up at him, and then her other arm shot out. Her hand was holding a knife.
Dirk gasped frightenedly and jumped up and backed away from her. "OMG! Samantha! What are you doing with that knife?"
"I'm the killer," said Samantha.
"Oh," said Dirk. "But why? Why did you do it?"
"Because," said Samantha. "I wanted to be the most popular girl in school. Candie was the most popular girl, so I killed her. However, I had no idea that her death would mean that Britney would then be considered the most popular girl. So...I killed her too. Now I'm the most popular girl in school! Yay!"
This all made sense to Dirk. "Okay. So then why are you going to kill me?"
Samantha laughed. "Oh, I'm not going to kill you, silly. Look! This knife isn't even real! It's one of those retractable rubber knives! LOL!" She stuck the retractable rubber knife into her abdomen and laughed.
"OH! Hahahahaha!" Dirk said in relieved voice. He and Samantha started walking back towards his fancy, really expensive car. "So...wait a second. There is still something about this whole thing that is bothering me."
"Yes, snookums?" Samantha said, giving Dirk a peck on the cheek.
"Well...the killer was always described as a male...you know...The Man With The Knife. Why is that, I wonder?" Dirk looked confused.
Samantha smiled. "Oh. That. Right. Well...you see...I used to be Samuel Banger. I got a sex change two years ago. So technically...I am a man."
"Ohhhh," Dirk said, starting to understand it all. Suddenly, he felt very sick to his stomach.
The End.
posted by Amanda at 6:21 PM
1 Comments:
OMG AMANDER TAHT WAS TEH K00L! I CANT BLEEV TEH TWIST ENDENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U'R USE OV OXYMORONS N PALINDROMES N DRAMATIK IRONEE WUZ EKSALINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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